No Longer Stagnant

Life consistency improvement love why is it all so hard ? All I want is to be happy and content in life and myself, but at every turn I feel like I get blocked granted 99% of the time the issue and blocker is me. Living life when you hate yourself is no easy task doing things to please parents and my partner can only help so much, the main roadblock is how can I improve my life for my sake the I hate me ?

Self love,I need some self love but its hard to love yourself when the world don’t seem to love you, being a 6ft heavily tattooed black lorry driver ex criminal aint the type of guy that generates many feelings of care from people, but to be honest I doubt I deserve much love care or empathy.

I don’t even know where this post is leading but I haven’t written in 11 days and really wanted to stick at this at least.

unfortunately I have no great words of wisdom of positivity to share today nor do I plan on working on anything tonight I will sit angry smoke some weed and put myself to bed super early as I wake up at 2am everyday to go collect smelly bins.

if this has resonated with anyone I guess we just have to soldier and hope it gets better, but I’ve also learned in order for some people to happy some people must be miserable like some weird law of the universe and maybe im just destined to one of the miserable ones.

I hope that’s not the case and I haven’t given up on myself finding joy someday but its starting to seem more like a dream than a destination.

If you read this I truly hope you have the peace and joy that seems to have evaded me my entire life.